Now, let me clearly state that I am not a criminal nor do I endorse committing crimes. I was taught from a very early age that you “don’t do the crime, if you aren’t willing to do the time.” Keeping this in mind, I have never been able to think of a crime that was [...]
Dear Santa,
After doing some work on my roof, I now understand why, in the three years that I have lived in this house, you have never stopped. I can appreciate your concern for your safety and the the safety of your rain-deer, but please be informed that neither my wife, nor myself were involved in trying to pop a cap into you upon your last visit (please see attached photo of bullet found embedded in shingle of my house). My wife and I hold no ill will towards you and look forward to your visit this Christmas.
Sincerely,
Mike Chrisman
PS. Please reiterate my deepest apologies to Rudolf for my comments that caused our last altercation. It was very inconsiderate of me to tell him how much I enjoy rain-deer sausage for breakfast and do not blame him for attacking me. I am very sorry for my rudeness and hope he can forgive me.